As you may or may not have noticed,
the 2014 World Cup officially starts
tomorrow. People have been talking
about it for weeks and weeks (and
months and months) as we head toward
the world's biggest sporting event, and if
you haven't heard anything about it,
you're either never on the Internet or
you don't exist. You are some kind of
ghost person! How are you reading this?!
Anyway, it's a big deal and you probably
want to know what's going on.
Thankfully, we here at E! Loves are
committed to making sure you get the
latest on animal videos and the biggest
pop culture events (but mostly animal
videos), so we want to give you a quick
and dirty guide to watching and
understanding the World Cup in the form
of burning questions and our answers:
Why is it such a big deal?
Soccer isn't as popular here as, say,
American football, but basically
everywhere else in the world, it's pretty
much the only sport that matters. In
other countries, it's a religion and a way
of life. So imagine the popularity of the
NFL and make a giant tournament
consisting of the best players and the
best teams from all over the
world...that's the World Cup. Times a
million. It's not only the biggest sporting
event of the year, but it's the biggest
sporting event of the past four years
(since the last World Cup). Yes, this only
happens once every four years.
How many teams are playing?
32. It takes 209 teams, two years and
two qualifying rounds to narrow the
tournament down to the best of the
best. It's an incredibly hard tournament
to win, which is why billions of people
are so obsessed with watching it happen.
Did the United States qualify?
Yes, they did.
So we might win the World Cup!
(Pats you gently on the head) Well, sure,
in theory. We are in the World Cup, so
we could technically win it. But no, we
are almost definitely not going to win
the World Cup.
Why not?
Because we are in an incredibly hard
group in the first round (Ghana, Portugal
and Germany and the U.S.), so we'll be
very lucky if we get out of it. And if we
manage to get out of our group, we have
to play teams that are just straight-up
better than us. The truth hurts. No one
is expecting the U.S. team to get very
far, which would make it very cool if we
did. They are underdogs, and who
doesn't want to cheer for the underdog?
So what teams are most likely to win?
Spain, Germany, Portugal and Brazil are
all favorites. Yeah, two of those teams
are in the same group as the United
States. That is why our group is called
"the group of death."
So how does the tournament work?
There are eight groups, with four teams
in each group. They all play each other,
and they get points based on wins and
ties. The top two teams from each
group advance into the next round
where they play the top teams from the
other groups, and it's single-elimination
from that point on. One and done, as it
were. And the teams knock each other
out until we get two countries left, and
they play for the title of the best team in
the world.
Soccer is so boring, though! They don't
even score that many goals! Help me
understand why people love it.
You just need to learn to appreciate all
the work and skill that goes into scoring
those few goals. Teams have to be very
precise, very smart and very tactical to
score a goal, which is why they celebrate
like mad men when they finally get one
in. Threading a ball through a defense to
your teammate who is making a perfect,
well-timed run is not easy, so try and
find the beauty in the movement. It's
not about the scoring, it's about
everything that happens before the goal.
Kind of like How I Met Your Mother. It's
not about the ending; it's about what
happens to get to the ending. Think of it
like that, without the crushing
disappointment that was the HIMYM
finale. Yep, still cracking HIMYM finale
jokes. Hashtag topical. Hashtag relevant.
Why do the players always fall down and
fake injuries like total babies? I hate that.
For a couple of reasons. Some players
do it to get a foul called on the other
team, thus resulting in a free kick or
even a penalty kick. That's crappy, and
some teams do it way more than others.
Other times players really do get
tripped, but they stay on the ground for
a couple extra seconds to catch their
breaths and/or just look dramatic. You
see, soccer is a very hard and very
physically demanding sport. Players are
running around non-stop for 90 minutes
without any breaks except for halftime
in between. There are no time-outs, so
the only rest they get is when the play is
stopped by the ref for fouls, free kicks,
etc. So, while "diving" is a lame part of
the sport, it happens. Just accept it and
enjoy everything else that's beautiful
about soccer.
Quick! Give me three reasons I should
be watching the World Cup.
1. It's the one sporting event besides
the Olympics that unites the entire
planet, and teams are playing for pride
and for their country.
2. Soccer fans are the best! They are
loud, proud and so fun to watch games
with. Find them at a bar and see what all
the screaming is about.
3. Hot men running around in shorts.
4. Because we said so, damn it!
Yeah, we gave you a threatening fourth
reason. Deal with it. All we're asking is
to give the World Cup a chance, and
even if you don't understand the sport,
it's still really fun to cheer for your
country as they battle the world for
soccer glory!
nice one bro
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